I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
