I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
