her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
