Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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