someone threw a dead crab at me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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