I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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