Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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