i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
