this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
