How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
