I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
