so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
