I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
