I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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