help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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