Already got asked if we're dating
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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