a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
