the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
