piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize