so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
