either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
