trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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