so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
