So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
