i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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