i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize