uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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