You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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