I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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