dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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