what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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