I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize