i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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