You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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