she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
