My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
