note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
