So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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