My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
