Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
