So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who put my cat in the fridge?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
