butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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