just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
