U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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