so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize