I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
