please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
