Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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