you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
