Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
