i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
