At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize