North Korea, Best Korea!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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