My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
