Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
