the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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