I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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