so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
