walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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