he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
