i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
