his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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