A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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