Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
