Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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