Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
