If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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