I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
