i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
