we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
