Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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