"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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