I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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