He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
