his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
