dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
