I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
