She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
